Working Women

Here is an article that touches on something I think about a lot: gender in the executive workplace...

Starting Up Women

By Alana Conner

Hidden inside most people’s minds is the belief that Warren and Bill should start businesses, but Oprah and Martha should not. This subtle, yet culture-wide association between maleness and entrepreneurship discourages women from launching their own start-ups, research shows.

Yet a new psychological study finds that “we can encourage more women to open businesses just by changing the way we talk about entrepreneurship,” says Vishal K. Gupta, an assistant professor at the Binghamton University School of Management and the study’s lead author. “You don’t have to do anything dramatic. Just make sure that the message you are sending is that entrepreneurship is gender neutral.”

For the study, Gupta and colleagues asked 469 undergraduate business students to read one of several articles about the qualities of successful entrepreneurs. In the control condition, the participants read a story that made no mention of gender. In the female stereotype condition, they discovered that humble, social, and caring people make good entrepreneurs. And in the gender-neutral condition, they learned that successful entrepreneurs show characteristics of both men and women, such as being creative, well-informed, and generous.

The researchers found that for women, entrepreneurial aspirations were highest after reading the gender-neutral story, which explicitly affirmed that gender does not matter in entrepreneurship. In contrast, women in the gender-free control condition had weaker intentions. “Even when you don’t say anything about gender, the first connection people make in their heads is with masculine characteristics,” Gupta explains. Women in the female stereotype condition had similarly lukewarm ambitions: “It may be that redefinition of a masculine stereotype as feminine is only possible when the alternative stereotype actually exists in society,” the authors write.

Although popular culture overwhelmingly depicts entrepreneurs as aggressive, risk-taking men, “it’s a myth that stereotypically male characteristics make you succeed,” says Gupta. To counteract these powerful messages, “we need to reach kids when they’re young and tell them that entrepreneurship is a good profession that men and women can do equally well. By the time they reach 19 or 20,” he adds, “it becomes more difficult to change their ideas about who can be an entrepreneur.”

From "Stanford Social Innovation Review", Winter 2009, Volume 7, Number 1.

Relatedness

"Our relatedness brings us into reality, provided we are open to it.  For instance, we prefer to avoid those people who annoy us, upset us, rub us the wrong way, push our buttons.  Yet these are precisely the people who can help us grow.  Our reaction to them exposes the egoism we try to hide, the fear we suppress, the spite we pretend isn't there.  Let's ask ourselves, 'Who is the person I most hate to be around?'  We need that very person in order to be real.

"Relationships show us what's truly happening in our life, if we have the courage to face it.  They reveal this separate, unreal self of ours who wants to isolate us from the rest of the human race...There is no such thing as a solitary Christian."

- Terence Grant, The Silence of Unknowing

I am pleased to announce....

...Teldon's newest magazine: Blush.

Now available at all Please Mum stores. For my lovely mom-friends:

Raise Your Voice

Finally!  The Voices for Bulembu campaign website is live.  My favourite part?  The trailer by that hot director.

Peaking

I've always been a fan of radio.  When I was 12 I would ride the bus from the outskirts of Winnipeg to my high school downtown.  Wrapped in parka head-to-toe, I would clutch my yellow Sony sports walkman (you know you had one too) and listen to the radio for the 45 minute drive.

I quickly found out that my growing knowledge of popular music was my gateway to conversations with boys, like I needed a reason to listen to the radio anyways.  I listened everyday and loved it.  Somehow it made me feel independent.

Then I worked for a non-profit that produced daily radio shows.  I produced a few of them myself and found out that the radio was still alive in kicking in the face of new media.  In fact, women are the most common listeners of radio.  It is the only kind of media they can easily use while doing other tasks.

Vancouver has disappointed me for a long time with its radio.  X-FM 104.9 was my fave until it disappeared into elevator-music-land.   We've been desolate for the past number of years.  There's some recent light - The Peak 100.5.  Not X-FM, but getting a bit closer.  

Hope

Here is a video of my man talking to 24 hours about his new film--Rwanda: Hope Rises--premiering tonight at the Vancity Theatre: 

http://www.vancouver.24hrs.ca/videos

Home

"Large Americano?"

"Kelly!"

"How are you doing today?"

I've lived in the same neighbourhood for the past three years.  I've probably had fleeting moments of feeling at home--ones that felt real at the time.  But I've just realized that I really feel at home when I'm known.  All of the statements above were said to me just now, at 9 a.m. on a Sunday morning when I walked in my scrubby morning clothes to grab a coffee.  All within the space of 15 minutes.

It feels good.

Art to Live In

Tonight I went to David Wilson's "Transitions" exhibition at the Atelier Gallery.  This is art I could buy.

Or live in.

In fact I do.  Much of his cityscape work includes views of South Granville--my neighbourhood for the past three years.

I love this art.  Because it's personal, because it's my style and because it has a lot of red in it.  I would have bought every piece there had I the money.  Perhaps that takes care of my Christmas list?

Living Differently

"What do you think your life will be like 10 years from now?"

That question made me shudder last night at the thought of being almost 40 at that time.  Suddenly it feels like time is speeding faster than it once was and I'm grasping at it, trying to slow it down.  

At 30 my parents already had two kids, a mortgage, two cars and a dog.  My life couldn't be farther from that.  I have my job, friends, my man, a car that is about to die and my apartment. And I like it.  Something in me thinks I can avoid the cliches of life, the inevitable musts and responsibilities that define adulthood.  But I fear it isn't possible.

I watch movies about love dying after time, of people regretting the paths they've chosen, and of mistakes made despite best efforts to avoid them.  And I think, "Nah, that won't be me.  That destiny is for other, more unconscious, dumb people."  

While that is the very definition of pride, I still want to and think I can live differently.  I want to defy the pull of the white picket fenced house and go for the "more" of life that I know must exist.  I want to find out what living on the edge is like.  I want to hold on to God because it's all I can trust.  I want to do what isn't expected to find out if life really is better in it's other forms. 

Or is this just being naive and irresponsible?  Maybe.  Maybe modern life is actually the best way to live.  Just like democracy is the best form of government, even though it still has its inherent flaws.  

All I know is that I feel like challenging everything.  Challenging the classic path of growing up, getting hitched, buying a house, having kids, being involved in church, watching womens afternoon talk shows, going on a diet and buying anti-aging products.  

So the question is:  Can we avoid the expectations of adulthood?  And, if we can, is that lifestyle better than typical adulthood?

Just do it

I don't like loose ends.  I like to know what is going on.  And I don't like unclear goals or, well, anything that makes me feel stress.  

I often spend a large chunk of my day getting ready to work.  Not actually working, but getting ready to work.  I write lists, determine priorities, gather supplies and information, and review my other lists to ensure I'm not missing anything.  Sometimes I look back on a day and realize that I've actually done nothing.  I've just gotten ready to do something.  

Often, that is because I am waiting for the perfect conditions.  I'm waiting to feel like I understand it all, like I know what I'm doing and that I have everything I need  I've realized that this perfectionism is wasting my potential, our potential,  the world's potential at fixing our problems.  

All of us probably realized in our early 20's that there will never be a time again when our to do list has every box checked off.  Life never stops and is always growing in complexity every day.   

What I've been realizing lately is that I've just gotta start.  Stop thinking so hard.  Stop waiting for things to be ready.  Stop looking for a blank slate to start from.  Just start.  Move.  Try.

My boss calls this the "trickle down" method.  Rather than starting something after you've calculated the whole plan, start to trickle out the project.  Communicate a bit here, a bit there, and then suddenly...you're done.  

For me it seems that it has taken almost 30 years for me to realize that none of us know what we are doing.  That we are supposed to try, win and fail.  That we are supposed to be ill-equipped.  That we should welcome anyone's efforts regardless of the outcome.  That we don't need to necessarily defend our actions when things don't turn out.  That mistakes are really where the real living happens.  And that admitting them doesn't change who you are.

Fear is a big part of this.  There have been times during the past few weeks when fear felt insurmountable for the task at hand.  When I spent time trying to get rid of fear, sometimes winning and sometimes losing the battle in my mind.  But then I read this:

"Great acts of faith are seldom born out of calm calculation.  It wasn't logic that caused Moses to raise his staff on the bank of the Red Sea.  It wasn't medical research that convinced Naaman to dip seven times in the river.  It wasn't common sense that caused Paul to abandon the Law and embrace grace.

"And it wasn't a confident committee that prayed in a small room in Jerusalem for Peter's release from prison.  It was a fearful, desperate, band of backed-into-a-corner believers.  It was a church with no options.  A congregation of have-nots pleading for help.

"And never were they stronger.

"At the beginning of every act of faith, there is often a seed of fear." (Lucado)

Accept where you are and take a step to where you want to go.  Scared?  Good.  Don't know what your second step will be?  Who cares.  Just start.

Still the same?

Leadership has been a topic I've thought a lot about lately.  Mostly because I have new leadership challenges in front of me - at work and in my personal life.  

I read my dad's Leadership Journal when I was a wee thing, was a member of the youth group's leadership team and was praised for my leadership ability.  The latter got old quick when I realized I was leading more often than not because people expected me to, not because I wanted to or because I necessarily cared about the goals.  

Figuring out what to lead might be just as hard as learning how and actually leading.  There are a few things I'm leading right now.  Luckily I know the goal, which is sometimes half the battle. But I'm noticing that the way I've led for the past few years isn't working in the face of these new challenges.  I'm looking around and I don't see enough followers.  

So I'm getting back to the basics.  

I picked up the quintessential book on leadership, John Maxwell's Developing the Leader Within You, in the hopes of being reminded of the important, rather than the urgent.  The root of the book focuses on influence.  You are a leader if you have influence.  Influence only comes from people giving you permission to enter into a relationship with them to accomplish something together.  

I've also been working lately on not caring what others think of me.  If I had a dollar for every time I wondered what others thought of me, I would be as rich as Bill Gates.  So I've gotten more honest. More unapologetic.  More driven.  More focussed on what I think is right to do, rather than what others think of me while I'm doing it.  But that isn't leadership either.

Because to be a leader you have to care what others think.  They have to want to have a relationship with you.  

In fact, you might need to care more about that than the objectives of your own leadership.  They have to want to follow you so you have to start with where they are.  

Crap.  

So, now what?  You'd think that I have an answer to that question because this is the first time in months that I have posted here.

But I don't have an answer to that that I like yet.  My answer for now is to keep praying, keep walking and keep hoping that there is more God in my leadership than there is me.

While reading Maxwell, I noticed pencil scribbles in the back inside cover.  I'd really like to know when I made these scribbles.  It would give some perspective of whether or not I am the same leader I was when I wrote it.  It was a draft personal mission and list of values that I was once triggered to write down:

mission: To gather meaningful information on societal attitudes and activities in order to communicate and illuminate truth.

Values:

• Detail: The whole picture
• Cause: What is the root?
• Think: Be still, then act
• Others:  Focus on others
• Self: Love thy self

I'm still the same girl.  What I'm doing isn't the same when I wrote that.  But I still care about the same things.  But I'm not the same leader I once was.  

Now I am searching for a new definition of leadership.  Not on the whole, but one for me.  One that focusses on others and comes out of loving thy self.  Or something like it...

Life as a control freak

I am an 8.  Huh?  If you've heard of the Enneagram Test then you know what I am talking about.  If not, then you must know that the Enneagram is a personality profile tool that has taught me a lot recently.  I have learned that I like--and possibly need--to be in control, and that life feels completely wrong when I feel out of control.  Of course, any mature person knows that we are never in control and that any feeling of control is always an illusion.

The more I live the more I realize that something completely unexpected is usually around the corner when it comes to your state of mind.  Sheer confidence, total despair, absolute faith and complete boredom can come from nothing, something and anything.  These feelings drive everything and they are possibly never our control.  Feelings are illogical, reality confusing and your emotions may rarely match up to your day's events.  

Our minds and psyches are so incredibly complex.  I don't think we have a clue as to what is affecting us at any given moment.  Our past, our families, our fears, insecurities and dreams propel us more than we realize.  The key is to run towards these dynamics.  When you cry, cry hard, seek answers and don't spend time trying to stop the tears.  When you laugh, chuckle deeply in your gut like it's the last time you will.  When you find someone that fills your soul and makes you better, tell them how much you care and don't let go.  When you need help, make the call to the friend that you know will drop everything to be with you and make your day a little better.  

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, but I enjoyed writing it and it's what my life is like right now.  Despite my "8" nature, I'm out of control, hopefully in a good way, and I am trying to run towards the results of that and allow the fullness of who I am and who God is to shape me, without fear.  Well not much fear anyways.  

A true Sun-day

Sundays may very well be my favorite day of the week.  The scrappy hairstyles, the casual clothes, the brunch and the clear schedule.  Everything is slower, like a long exhale before the big gulp of Monday.  

Today was such a day, full of sun and long strides.  First I had a Barney's brunch with my favorite person.  Either side of said brunch was filled with a quick walk and repeated, "I can't believe how beautiful it is outside."  I then watched a lame chick flick because, well, do I need a reason?

A gigantic intelligentsia americano accompanied my Elizabeth Gilbert was required because staying awake to all hours talking to my favorite person is apparently my new hobby.  A gorgeous perusal in my favorite store down the road then made me happy more than anything material likely should.  

Most of my Sundays are then capped off with phone calls to, well, everyone close to me, and a simple dinner that usually involves a bagel or soup.  Today is just the same.

And you think I didn't go to church.

Stuck?

I wish that God's truth stuck, that lessons from God only had to be learned once.  I feel so often like I start from scratch in my Christian walk every day.  One day my identity is solid, sealed and complete.  The next I am a baby, clinging to compliments and external affirmation.  What exactly triggers this regression, I wonder?

I suppose our lives change externally so quickly that it would be silly to think that we don't have to relearn for a new reality each step of the way.  What I do know is that God knows what he is doing, and he won't stop working until I am a finished, a new creation.  The great part is that he is faithful and he will do it.  

A different kind of trip...

This is our third full day in Bulembu.  It's been quite an experience so far, almost completely different than we expected.  The cultural barriers are more strong than I would have thought.  My interviews have been sufficient, but disappointing.  I've actually been quite emotional about it, wanting so badly to connect on a personal level with the people.  Unfortunately I don't feel like I've developed any kind of connection with them.  A lot of it is the language barriers and the lack of ability by the Swazi people to communicate emotion in English.   A sample:

"What was life like when the mine left?"

"hard."

"Tell me about that.  What made it hard?"

"difficult"

"what was different after the mine left compared to before?"

"we had no jobs"

Duhhh....I could have told you that.  So I ask you to pray for more descriptive interviews.  

Trevor's photos have also posed challenges.  Swazi people, for some reason, are very stoic when they know their photo is being taken.  They don't understand the concept of acting normally and going about their business while Trevor does his thing.  They are always stiff, conscious of us because they aren't used to having cameras around.  

Transport has also been a problem.  Every shot opportunity is quite far from the other, requiring more coordination than we would have thought.  Unfortunately candid shots are therefore harder to come by.  Of course Trevor's photos are amazing regardless and the calendar is going to be great.

On Tuesday we went to see the Chief of Malanda, the region Bulembu sits within.  We scheduled an appointment with him and, when we arrived to his house on the hill, he told us he only had twenty minutes.  The man has 26 children and numerous wives.  He is chief because his father and grandfather were both chiefs.  He called the King of Swaziland when Bulembu was in trouble and got them food in 2001.  Most days are spent listening to people's grievances.  A community judge of sorts.

Today I am interviewing a teacher, a plumber and a housekeeper.  We are going to take a wee midday break at some point to rest.  We are quite tired today and I am sunburnt to a crisp.  Hopefully some time at the school with the cute kids will raise my spirits :)

Travel is a drug.  And I'm addicted.  This is humorous to me since, as of four months ago, I had never left the continent.  I mean, come on, I'm one of those people that used to pray that I wouldn't be called into missions work.  

I returned from Scotland and was surprised at the post-travel mood that I've only just shook off two weeks after returning home.  Scotland was euphoric, Swaziland mystical and Vancouver...suddenly too known.

The only thing that's kept me going suddenly is the fact that I'm going to Swaziland again in a week.  I fear that this new discovery--a love for foreign lands--has irreversibly changed me.  Now days home must be intermingled with the hope of an approaching trip.  

I grew up moving every few years.  Texas, New York, Boston, Winnipeg, Calgary, California and Vancouver.  I remember leaving university, looking forward to having 100% control over where I lived.  A few years ago I realized I crossed the mark where Vancouver is the place I've lived the longest.  That used to be a dream.

Now, I find myself constantly looking at photos of recent adventures, dreaming of how different life could be.  I used to be addicted to routine, now I get depressed at the thought.

The hopeful lesson that has come from this is that we can change.  A belief I have to cling to: that people can change, that anything  can change.  

So, what's next?

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

Emotions are fickle. Without much logic, I find that they control most things. Strip off the layers of logic—psueudo or real—and you will find nothing but emotional drivers.

My "I am woman, hear me roar/I can do anything boys can do, I can do it better" pride and shit-filled mantra from my childhood is usurped every day by my emotions, female emotions at that. I once said to my boss, "Give it to me straight. Leave the suger-coating off and give it to me raw." I cried the very next day in front of that same boss. Emotions are ran from and hidden, but they always play a starring role, whether it is in the conclusion or in the sequel.

All you males out there know, however, that emotions—though possibly different in flavour—are just as powerful. Whether it be ego, anger or envy, male emotions are equally as powerful drivers at the boardroom table and the kitchen table. Often masked more often with logic, the emotions are still just as powerful. Lucky for you, your emotions are actually socially acceptable in the workforce. If I have my way, however, emotional leadership is the next cultural wave.

Ironically emotions are fickle and forming all at the same time. While always a result of something real, and often logic free, they are filled with a power to form everything. They form our mood, our priorities, our work, our health and our relationships.

So the question is: how atuned are you to your emotions? Are you listening to them? Are they a priority? Do you sit in them, like one savours a cup of morning coffee, and feel them to the end?

Everything Must Change

Brian McLaren has a new book called "Everything Must Change".  I have not read it yet, though the title intrigues me.  The title presupposes that there is a goal to be met, a standard that, once reached, all is well.

I remember the day I realized I was living for a standard that didn't exist.  Still in my striving days, I remember talking out loud about why I had never experienced freedom, realizing that it was because I was striving towards a personal perfection that didn't exist.  

Though linked to personal standards, McLaren's title tips me towards thinking he is suggesting that there is a communal standard.  I don't think such a standard exists.  A stasis that makes one act worthy and the other not.  A goal that, to be Christian, one must know and constantly work towards.

This is all somehow linked to absolute truth.  Ironically, I believe in absolute truth.  I also absolutely believe that we can't know absolute truth here on earth.  Because sometimes a lie is okay, swearing necessary and stealing just.  Not to mention that none of us can prove anything exists, that we are here right now, that here exists as we know it.  

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I think that striving, while not the point, is still required.  That we all must still strive for ultimate goals that don't exist.  That there are problems that have to be solved.  That the work isn't done.  I suppose that makes all of it about the means, not the end.  Since the end doesn't, in essence, exist.

I still don't know what to do when we realize that there is no standard here on earth. Or how exactly to have hope if any kind of preconceived fake standard isn't possible.   

I guess I should just read the book.

Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

Today I took my wee friend Jared (a.k.a. my friend Meg's son) to see some vegetable pirates. Auntie Kelly just wouldn't have lived up to her rep as the cool urban aunt if she hadn't brought pirate eye-patches for the show!

Action.  It's a new revelation of mine that I am addicted to action.  I spend my days going to meetings with action points already in hand, with all the research done and with all the counter-arguments prepared.  If I'm not acting, my mind must be.  If we didn't come to more action points through discussion, then the agenda was not met.

Then there is the church meeting.

Inaction.   There is a lot of smiling, staring and seemingly invaluable comments, to be crass.   We all talk about how we know one another, what we might do and how cold it is outside. I am left wanting.  What did we accomplish?  A whole lot of snack eating and a whole lot of nothing. 

My boyfriend says that I drive like I live.  Go, go, go, go, go, go....STOP!!!!!  It's action that I am addicted to, immediately just before it hurts me.  Besides restoration and thinking, is there really any valuable to inaction?  

The perfect holiday...

It's 3 a.m.   I've just returned from Scotland and I must admit that I am incredibly sad.  It was the perfect trip and suddenly anything less adventurous is equally less appealing.  Scotland was beautiful, full of history and friendly people.  It was also wet and terribly cold.  But nothing could stop us from exploring the countryside and good friends.  

Day 1:  Glasgow

Dean, Amanda, Trev, Ali, Dianna and me took the train to Glasgow, Scotland's biggest city.  My favourite moment had to be chats and laughs at Strata, a great cocktail lounge where we, ironically, sipped pints.  We then went for a glorious dinner in a room full of chandeliers and gourmet burgers and chips.  

* All photos taken by Trevor Meier

Day 2: Aberdeen

Snow beckoned us to stay close to home.  A wander through Aberdeen and two trips to starbucks led us to Kileu, a great cafe with Trevor's favourite food as of late: crepes.  We sat, had serious and intense conversation (Trevor and my favourite past time) which led to a perusal of Aberdeen's Art Gallery.  It was an impressive collection and Louise Hopkins is a new favourite.  

Day 3 & 4:  Edinburgh

Trev and I headed off on our own to Edinburgh, Scotland's hippest city.  I'm pretty sure I've never seen so many restaurants in one place.  We trekked up the Royal Mile and through Edinburgh Castle.  A fabulous cafe called Always Sunday became our favourite.  I highly recommend the chocolate chip shortbread and hot chocolate eaten while playing Truth or Dare.

Day 5:  Old Aberdeen

Dean, Amanda, Trev and I trekked to Old Aberdeen which included the beautiful University of Aberdeen, Seaton Park and incredibly picturesque neighbourhoods that made me feel like I was in the movies.  Just like Kate Winslet's home in the Cotswalds in The Holiday.  We then had smashingly good burgers - mine Hawaiian - and chips (aka fries or Scotland's salad) and cokes at a great pub I wish I could remember the name of.  Great conversation on church, psychology and family made those chips taste even better.  An evening visit to Gerrard Street Baptist Church capped off a great sabbath.

Day 6: Stonehaven

The small fishing village of Stonehaven paved the way for a romantic jaunt to the Stonehaven War Memorial and Dunnotar Castle.  It was an incredible hike that made Trevor and I reflect how incredibly blessed we are to have the chance to see such sites.   

Day 7:  Aberdeenshire

A lovely lunch with my mates, speed shopping with lovely finds and a fantastically long authentic Indian dinner surrounded a - let's say brisk - walk through Footdie.  Footdie being Aberdeen's original village, quite literally a small town on an incredibly beautiful beach that revealed just how short the original Aberdeeners were.  The doors on each home were oh so hobbit size.  We enjoyed the day so much that we didn't even let the weather stop us.  Here we are as a happy crew of drowned rats...

You simply must go to Scotland if given the chance.  A good chunk of time is certainly required. A huge thank you to Dean and Amanda for the oh so perfect accomodations and being our pseudo travel guides.   I miss you both!