That question made me shudder last night at the thought of being almost 40 at that time. Suddenly it feels like time is speeding faster than it once was and I'm grasping at it, trying to slow it down.
At 30 my parents already had two kids, a mortgage, two cars and a dog. My life couldn't be farther from that. I have my job, friends, my man, a car that is about to die and my apartment. And I like it. Something in me thinks I can avoid the cliches of life, the inevitable musts and responsibilities that define adulthood. But I fear it isn't possible.
I watch movies about love dying after time, of people regretting the paths they've chosen, and of mistakes made despite best efforts to avoid them. And I think, "Nah, that won't be me. That destiny is for other, more unconscious, dumb people."
While that is the very definition of pride, I still want to and think I can live differently. I want to defy the pull of the white picket fenced house and go for the "more" of life that I know must exist. I want to find out what living on the edge is like. I want to hold on to God because it's all I can trust. I want to do what isn't expected to find out if life really is better in it's other forms.
Or is this just being naive and irresponsible? Maybe. Maybe modern life is actually the best way to live. Just like democracy is the best form of government, even though it still has its inherent flaws.
All I know is that I feel like challenging everything. Challenging the classic path of growing up, getting hitched, buying a house, having kids, being involved in church, watching womens afternoon talk shows, going on a diet and buying anti-aging products.
So the question is: Can we avoid the expectations of adulthood? And, if we can, is that lifestyle better than typical adulthood?
1 comment:
Hi Kelly. Don't think I knew you had a blog. I've just finished reading through the past year or so of yours.
Adulthood... This post resonated with me. The past four years from CA to Bowen to DC to TX to CA was (among other things) a coming of age story for Jennifer and I. In 2004 we left CA as children and though it did not happen all at once, when we landed back we were adults.
And let me tell you: it is much better being an adult. Children are under others, they react, they are not free. To not want a white picket fence because that is what others have (being a contrarian) for me was only another way of being under the control of others. Being an adult means I get to do what I want. If I want a white (or red) picket fence, fine, let's figure out a way to get one; if not, well I don't have to have one.
As a side benefit I have found I fear much less as an adult.
I tried to live differently most of my "adult" life but what I was mostly doing was reacting and pushing back: stuff a child does.
Since growing up my desire to live differently has faded away. Now I am interested in living the sort of life I want: my life. I am free to follow Jesus into the identity I have in him. For it is in him I find out who I really am: the unique, different, original me God created: a mature adult.
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