We are all the same

I am a judgmental person. It's a fact. I struggle with giving people the benefit of the doubt. I have a hard time forgiving and I turn my nose down at people far too often.

And then I screw up.

We are all the same. Big mistakes and little mistakes are all the same. No matter who you are, or what you've done--we are all worth the same amount: worth more to God than we could ever imagine.

I suddenly feel that the real litmus test of humility, of truly being sorry for a mistake and facing our fallenness in its fullest, is if we can view others who have done "worse" things as peers, equals and fellow fighters trying to live this life the best we can.

Easier said than done? Definitely.

Old Faith

This morning I led a photo shoot of a few older YMCA members at the Langara Family YMCA. I must admit, they have inspired me.

Erwin, centre, is from Germany. He fought in WWII, snuck into YMCA's across the world banned by Hitler, moved to Vancouver 30 years ago and pastored a church here for a few decades. Now, every morning at 6:45 a.m., Erwin and his friends get together to sing, pray and eat--with a little laughter in between.

As I listened to them sing "Great is thy Faithfulness" in English and Chinese, I was struck by the lives these individuals must have behind them. Lives of a facing struggle--Hitler!--or moving to a new country, making ends meet, learning a new language and culture and all the additional pain that any one of us may meet in our lifetime: disease, broken relationships, death, mental illness, etc.

Regardless of how they have chosen to live--their past, their choices, and their challenges--the people I saw today are titans of faith. People still singing praises and beginning each day in the midst of a community of friends doing life together after decades of life. I hope I can be just like that someday.

He Wastes Nothing

I was watching Rob Bell's "Drops Like Stars" last week and found it really encouraging. Everyone looking to find God in pain should watch it--which is likely all of us since we all experience trouble at some point or another.

While there were many takeaways, the one that is sticking with me today is the truth that "God wastes nothing". Days of sadness, conversations of miscommunication-filled confusion, time spent sinning, friendships gone wrong and mistakes--big mistakes--that seem to only cause heartbreak....all of it is used by God to make me into what he wants me to become. All of it is used to glorify him, redeemed from the ugliest of ugly and made beautiful. While I believe this today, believing it for specific mistakes and situations is definitely more difficult.

Lucky for me, regardless of whether I believe it at all times, it's true.

For I Am Weak

I’ve been thinking a lot about weakness lately. What it is, what role it plays in the Christian life and, mostly, how it feels.

I am a strong person. I think that most people that know me would say this about me. Unfortunately that’s not always a good thing, even though the world would most certainly say it is a sign of true character.

In my case, it impedes me. Makes me a slug full of her own self-righteousness. It goes much farther than thinking that I don’t “need” God. It actually makes it so I seemingly don’t need him or, rather, it shields me from developing the real nature that God created me to have so I would need him. The nature of being able to bring him glory.

A nature that doesn’t know what to do. That doesn’t know what to say. That isn’t sure what will happen next and is terrified at the possibilities. That doesn’t know the answer. That is open to being wrong. To being weak. To losing.

My autopilot is strength. I know the answer, duh…don’t you?

A study from HBR revealed recently that people are more likely to trust information from experts when they also outline their uncertainties. I like this study. It shows that people prefer truth more than strength, and prefer humanity over superhuman confidence. They've also found that people in workplaces almost never use the phrases, "I don't know", "I was wrong" and "I'm sorry". Sounds like I'm not alone.

For some hilariously ironic reason I think God should be doing something different with me right now. Changing me faster, healing me more deeply, convicting me more strongly and making me into more of what I think I need to be. But that’s just me again, being strong and knowing what to do.

I don’t know how to be weak. I don’t know how to stop trying to understand things, to stop figuring out what to do. But I guess that’s it right there—not knowing and being okay with that. Sitting in that discomfort and just being. Believing that God knows what he’s doing and he’s doing it.

Relying. Trusting. Admitting. Surrendering.