Just do it

I don't like loose ends.  I like to know what is going on.  And I don't like unclear goals or, well, anything that makes me feel stress.  

I often spend a large chunk of my day getting ready to work.  Not actually working, but getting ready to work.  I write lists, determine priorities, gather supplies and information, and review my other lists to ensure I'm not missing anything.  Sometimes I look back on a day and realize that I've actually done nothing.  I've just gotten ready to do something.  

Often, that is because I am waiting for the perfect conditions.  I'm waiting to feel like I understand it all, like I know what I'm doing and that I have everything I need  I've realized that this perfectionism is wasting my potential, our potential,  the world's potential at fixing our problems.  

All of us probably realized in our early 20's that there will never be a time again when our to do list has every box checked off.  Life never stops and is always growing in complexity every day.   

What I've been realizing lately is that I've just gotta start.  Stop thinking so hard.  Stop waiting for things to be ready.  Stop looking for a blank slate to start from.  Just start.  Move.  Try.

My boss calls this the "trickle down" method.  Rather than starting something after you've calculated the whole plan, start to trickle out the project.  Communicate a bit here, a bit there, and then suddenly...you're done.  

For me it seems that it has taken almost 30 years for me to realize that none of us know what we are doing.  That we are supposed to try, win and fail.  That we are supposed to be ill-equipped.  That we should welcome anyone's efforts regardless of the outcome.  That we don't need to necessarily defend our actions when things don't turn out.  That mistakes are really where the real living happens.  And that admitting them doesn't change who you are.

Fear is a big part of this.  There have been times during the past few weeks when fear felt insurmountable for the task at hand.  When I spent time trying to get rid of fear, sometimes winning and sometimes losing the battle in my mind.  But then I read this:

"Great acts of faith are seldom born out of calm calculation.  It wasn't logic that caused Moses to raise his staff on the bank of the Red Sea.  It wasn't medical research that convinced Naaman to dip seven times in the river.  It wasn't common sense that caused Paul to abandon the Law and embrace grace.

"And it wasn't a confident committee that prayed in a small room in Jerusalem for Peter's release from prison.  It was a fearful, desperate, band of backed-into-a-corner believers.  It was a church with no options.  A congregation of have-nots pleading for help.

"And never were they stronger.

"At the beginning of every act of faith, there is often a seed of fear." (Lucado)

Accept where you are and take a step to where you want to go.  Scared?  Good.  Don't know what your second step will be?  Who cares.  Just start.