Life as a control freak

I am an 8.  Huh?  If you've heard of the Enneagram Test then you know what I am talking about.  If not, then you must know that the Enneagram is a personality profile tool that has taught me a lot recently.  I have learned that I like--and possibly need--to be in control, and that life feels completely wrong when I feel out of control.  Of course, any mature person knows that we are never in control and that any feeling of control is always an illusion.

The more I live the more I realize that something completely unexpected is usually around the corner when it comes to your state of mind.  Sheer confidence, total despair, absolute faith and complete boredom can come from nothing, something and anything.  These feelings drive everything and they are possibly never our control.  Feelings are illogical, reality confusing and your emotions may rarely match up to your day's events.  

Our minds and psyches are so incredibly complex.  I don't think we have a clue as to what is affecting us at any given moment.  Our past, our families, our fears, insecurities and dreams propel us more than we realize.  The key is to run towards these dynamics.  When you cry, cry hard, seek answers and don't spend time trying to stop the tears.  When you laugh, chuckle deeply in your gut like it's the last time you will.  When you find someone that fills your soul and makes you better, tell them how much you care and don't let go.  When you need help, make the call to the friend that you know will drop everything to be with you and make your day a little better.  

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, but I enjoyed writing it and it's what my life is like right now.  Despite my "8" nature, I'm out of control, hopefully in a good way, and I am trying to run towards the results of that and allow the fullness of who I am and who God is to shape me, without fear.  Well not much fear anyways.