I've been having problems with my back for the past two years. Initiated by years of computer work and stress, the pain can often get to the point where I am nauseous and have a headache that simply won't go away.
The funny thing is that I know the solution: do my stretches regularly and exercise to strengthen my core.
But I wait. I don't do my stretches or strengthen my core. I live counting on the fact that I feel good now, so I'll feel good later. When the pain comes, I then get frustrated and angry, wondering why I am 'chosen' the be the one in so much pain.
I'd like to say that my back pain is the only case of this controlled ignorant invincibility. It isn't.
I've realized lately that, in so many things, I change only when it hurts. I get up in the morning, make my coffee, and then choose to watch TV during breakfast over reading my bible because 'I'm okay today'. I then work all day, never stopping to pray or rest to hear God because today is a good day and I 'don't need him' or am 'okay on my own.'
Then I break. It's been building the whole time--pangs of fear, pride, anger or whatever, that show up throughout each hour. And it wasn't painful, so I didn't notice it, never mind talk to God about it.
I'm realizing that that there are prompts in my day that I ignore: prompts that say "all is not well in this moment." I need to listen to those prompts because that is God in me saying, "hey, you need me now....not just later."
It's time to do those stretches now, to strengthen my core when it doesn't hurt, no matter how inconvenient it feels at the time. Sure, that doesn't mean I can avoid pain altogether. But it does mean that God is in everything, trying to give me what I need in every instance, even when I ignore him.
I know this is a lesson I'll spend the rest of my life trying to learn.
